Jenna Samaroo: Thought of the Day...

The Chair

2012-01-25T21:44:00.013-04:00

As a psychologist many times we forget what sitting in that “dreaded” chair feels like. There are some of us who never sat in the chair at all!! In my case, I had to experience this when I was studying for my masters. Though therapy was mandatory, I used the opportunity for my self development and growth and looked at my issues. I really tried to face them. I did my best to be honest about my emotional skeletons.

Recently I had the opportunity of being a client again. YES, YES i sat in the "dreaded" chair!!! It wasn’t fun!!! I know exactly how it feels sitting in front a therapist because here I was sitting in front of a stranger telling them the intimate details of my life. Then all of a sudden I was scared and uncomfortable...I wanted to look good for the therapist... I felt afraid to tell the person my business... I wanted to get far away from the room... I wanted to tell them my issues because I was seeking help... I was talking a lot and all over... I felt confused and talking confused... hard questions were being asked... I had to be truthful... the questions made me think... I don't want to think... I knew the answers but I needed to hear them from someone else... I wanted coping skills but yet I thought I was coping well... but I wasn't. Then I was crying and felt sad then I felt happy and somewhere in there angry. Sounds familiar?

At the end of it though I felt comfortable and settled and I was able to open up and be honest because I wanted the assistance for my self development. The session went wonderfully well and I felt good at the end of it. I had some home work and things to think long and hard about, but it was good.

Sitting in that chair reminded me of my clients and how hard it can be sometimes to start trusting and talking to a stranger about intimate details of their lives. Trusting that I will be able to help them cope and figure what to do, what is the next step, what they have to work on, their fears, weaknesses and more. Looking at ourselves sometimes is the hardest thing to do because we have to admit and face that we have fears and weaknesses. We are our own harshest critic. When you realise your weaknesses, you can work on them. Somehow people are afraid of this process because they are comfortable with how they are handling their weaknesses even though it might be very unhealthy. Humans we are creatures of habit even though change is inevitable.

In the daily life of being a mental health professional it is necessary to sit in that “dreaded” chair if you really want to be emotionally stable and mentally healthy to deal with clients. Personally, I think it is really important for us mental health professionals to be in a mentally healthy place before assisting our clients. If we are a mess how can we EVER help clients?

The journey to self discovery is ongoing and never over. Sometimes a case might hit on issues we have bottled up within ourselves. Therefore it is always good to go back to that “dreaded” chair and be the client. Not only to remind us of how a client feels, but to also remind us that we too need to talk and sort out our issues no matter how small.

Don’t think this is just limited to mental health professionals. If the shoe fits you wear it! Are you giving advice to others clients, team members etc. and then not taking that advice? Worse yet are u getting frustrated with others and forgetting what it is like to be in that “dreaded” chair?

Self development and discovery...this is my journey now and I am very happy to be doing it so that when I sit in front of my clients they are getting the best of me and what I have to offer in the mental health profession....So I encourage my colleagues to take a seat in the chair and be reminded of what the clients feel in our sessions....and for the clients out there some of us understand how scary going into therapy can be but we also understand how tremendously beneficial it can be...

www.jennasamaroo.com

2012 Here it is...

2012-01-08T18:15:00.006-04:00

I have spent some time reflecting on the last year of my professional life and I really marvel at how much it has changed. Professionally I am in the process of building my name, my practice, my profession. One of the greatest things I have learnt in the last year though is patience.

Being a mental health professional means that I should be able to practice what I preach...but that is the one thing that is the hardest to do! Patience...patience to know that some of the ventures I am involved in is in the stage of evolution therefore things do not happen as fast as we want them to...Patience to know that the supreme being has a plan that we do not always see or understand...Patience to believe that the best is yet to come...Patience to know and believe when it comes there will be great rewards....My lesson for last year and in this year to come is and will continue to be patience.

Another big aspect that I struggled with in the last year is finding balance. Sometimes as mental health professionals we give of ourselves so much that we forget to take the time to take care of ourselves. This is certainly something I struggle with and have been taking the time to ensure that I am mentally healthy. For me being mentally healthy is also taking the journey to find and understand myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and letting others help me when I am struggling.

Over the years of studying and practicing psychology, I have always tried to use what I learn on me first. I have always tried to find balance. It still is a difficult process because facing my weaknesses is one of the hardest things to do, because I have to admit that I need help when I want to just help everyone.

I took a different perspective at writing this blog because sometimes psychologist forget to let others know that we are human and go through the same process like everyone else and we too have to admit when we need assistance, sometimes our inability to ask for help causes us more distress and makes us even more unhealthy than others. I certainly have areas of my life that I need to work on so my famous line "I'm no guru" is even more interestingly true. The only difference is that on a daily basis I try to handle all my problems, obstacles, challenges etc. in a healthy balanced way. Cheers to 2012, and for me the lesson is Patience! What is your lesson for 2012?

www.jennasamaroo.com

Disabled Children Playing Pan

2011-12-02T10:59:00.005-04:00

I visited Goodwill Industries this week because I was asked to do a talk to the parents and teachers about the importance and benefits of counselling for disabled children.

For those of you who do not know Goodwill Industries is a school for physically and mentally challenged young people located in Woodbrook. The school teaches them trade and practical skills to make them marketable to take care of themselves, find a job and cope with the challenges of their lives. Mrs. Barbara Olumide-Alleyne is the CEO and she has been doing wonderful work with these special young people.

I had the pleasure of listening to them play pan. Below is a clip of their talent. I felt so proud seeing them play since they appeared to really enjoy playing the pan. Also I can't play pan to save my life and here are these gifted and talented young people keeping rhythm better than me!

So please enjoy my little video!

www.jennasamaroo.com

Communication Self Assessment

2011-04-03T13:21:00.003-04:00

How well do you communicate with other? Do you think you are doing your best at communicating?

Take this self assessment and see how well you communicate.

Communication Skills Self-Assessment Exercise

In each of the following, read items A, B, and C, then mark the one that best describes your communication style. (24 total)

1. ___ A. When conversing with others, I usually do most of the talking.

___ B. When conversing with others, I usually let the other person do most of the talking.

___ C. When conversing with others, I try to equalize my participation in the conversation.

2. ___ A. When I first meet someone, I wait for the other person to make the introduction first.

___ B. When I first meet someone, I introduce myself with a smile and offer a handshake.

___ C. When I first meet someone, I hug the person.

3. ___ A. I usually "warm-up" new conversations with small talk.

___ B. I usually avoid small talk and jump into more important matters.

___ C. I usually avoid starting conversations.

4. ___ A. I make an effort to remember and use peoples' names.

___ B. I don't pay attention to names as I tend to forget them.

___ C. I only learn the names of important people.

5. ___ A. I frequently use courtesy words and phrases - "Please," "Thank you," "You're welcome," "I'm sorry."

___ B. I occasionally use these courtesy words and phrases.

___ C. I never use these courtesy words and phrases.

6. ___ A. I tend to be serious and don't smile often while conversing.

___ B. I smile all the time while conversing.

___ C. I smile at appropriate times while conversing.

7. ___ A. I make eye contact while conversing.

___ B. I sometimes make eye contact while conversing.

___ C. I never make eye contact while conversing.

8. ___ A. While conversing, I hold my head still at all times.

___ B. While conversing, I nod my head at appropriate times.

___ C. While conversing, I nod my head constantly.

9. ___ A. While conversing, I stand one-foot away from the person.

___ B. While conversing, I stand two- to three-feet away from the person.

___ C. While conversing, I stand five- to six-feet away from the person.

10. ___ A. I often stand while talking to a person who is sitting.

___ B. I often sit while talking to a person who is sitting.

___ C. I often lean down while talking to a person who is sitting.

11. ___ A. To end a conversation, I often just leave.

___ B. To end a conversation, I begin to look impatient hoping the person

will get the hint.

___ C. To end a conversation, I wrap up with a closing statement.

12. ___ A. If a co-worker has put on weight, I say nothing about it.

___ B. If a co-worker has put on weight, I tell the person that he or she has

changed in appearance.

___ C. If a co-worker has put on weight, I honestly tell the person that he

or she looks fat.

13. ___ A. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often cross my arms over my chest.

___ B. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean back and turn my body

away from the speaker.

___ C. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean slightly forward and face

my body toward the speaker.

14. ___ A. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg facing the speaker.

___ B. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg away from the speaker.

___ C. When I cross my leg, I bob my foot.

15. ___ A. While listening, I tend to be distracted by things going on around me.

___ B. While listening, I listen for meaning and ask questions.

___ C. While listening, I watch the person speak, but I don't "hear" a word.

16. ___ A. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I don't comment about it.

___ B. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to change the subject.

___ C. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to relate to the person's feelings and show sensitivity to his or her misfortune.

17. ___ A. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good) aspects.

___ B. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad) aspects.

___ C. When I discuss a topic, I tend to complain.

18. ___ A. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I just say it.

___ B. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I lead in with a positive comment first.

___ C. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I say nothing.

19. ___ A. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I note where I need to improve.

___ B. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I get angry and defensive.

___ C. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I deny the problem, make excuses, or plead ignorance.

20. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on the person's observable work or behavior and offer suggestions.

___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on what I don't like about the person.

___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I simply tell the person what to do right.

21. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it around others so everyone can hear.

___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it in front of the supervisor.

___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I talk with the person alone in a private place.

22. ___ A. When I disagree with a person, I listen first, ask questions for clarification then disagree non-judgmentally.

___ B. When I disagree with a person, I quickly point out the person is wrong and why.

___ C. When I disagree with a person, I say little or nothing.

23. ___ A. When I'm in a group, I tend to frown a lot.

___ B. When I'm in a group, I tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times.

___ C. When I'm in a group I tend to be serious.

24. ___ A. I'm a "hands-on" person. I tend to: prefer hands-on experiences and activities; focus on tasks to be done; refrain from discussions; think in a logical and organized way; do things in an orderly way; have difficulty adjusting to change.

___ B. I'm a "thinker." I tend to: enjoy listening to a logical presentation of ideas; enjoy analyzing problems and finding systematic ways try to solve problems; enjoy creating models based on theory and information; like structure and organization; act slowly in making decisions; show more interest in ideas than people.

___ C. I'm an "explorer." I tend to: try things by trial and error; explore practical uses for ideas and theories; make decisions that provide quick solutions; decide quickly; take risks; enjoy change; rely more on people for information.

___ D. I'm a "free thinker." I tend to: base views and opinions on feelings; enjoy tossing around ideas (brainstorming); approach and view problems and experience; from different perspectives; rely on intuition, not logic, for making decisions; dislike structure.

www.jennasamaroo.com

Healing the Fatherhood Wounds

2011-02-03T09:11:00.015-04:00

I had the pleasure over the course of the last weekend to attend the Healing the Fatherhood Wounds Workshop for women at the John Paul II Centre on Fatherhood. The workshop took place for the entire weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening.

The weekend started with the powerful movie "Akeelah and the Bee". It was my first time watching this movie in its entirety. The movie had a number of valuable life lessons about the dynamics of the father and daughter relationship.

The second day was where the real work started. There were many fruitful sessions where some real groundbreaking epiphanies were made with all of the women present including myself. I would like to share some if the tid bits that stuck out for me.

I always knew that the father had a great impact on a daughter's life but this impact was made even more apparent by the material covered. The father is literally a daughter's first love. She is taught about the good and the bad in the male figure from her father. During the years 0-9 the father teaches his daughter how to interact and be loved by a man. A father during this vital stage teaches a daughter what she will want and will not want in a man in her life in the future.

There are also a number of attributes that fathers are responsible for teaching women that are considered "adult life skills". These include; to manage, contain, the value of boundaries, to defend, to protect, to compete, to hold onto, to provide, to conquer and to exclude.

During the weekend I also was able to learn some of my father's healthy and unhealthy characteristics and how these are present in the men in my life. The material was profound because as women we often chose men that are just like our fathers. This action is very unconscious and we tend not to even notice sometimes the similarity.

I also learnt the vital building blocks of self-esteem that only a parent can pass to a child. These building blocks are;

Identity - who am I? - This is usually done by the same sex parent. Therefore women would form their identity from their Mother's.
Individuality - What do I love? What do I hate? - This is usually instilled by the opposite sex parent so in this case a Father would be the one instilling Individuality in a daughter.
Intimacy - In-to-me-u-see - This is taught by both parents through their relationship with each other.

Another point of interest that stood out for me is the question "why do women tell their stories?" and when I mean tell their stories I mean talk all the time! Answer: Women talk to HEAL.

H - Heal tell stories to heal.
E - Encourage, especially others.
A - Awareness, of the answers.
L - Legacy - stories tell our legacy and leaves legacies behind.

So this really explained why we women always chattering!

The last point I would like to share are some unhealthy father/daughter relationship styles that were pointed out to us.

Less than father - father abandons daughter and leaves her yearning.
Abusive father - father is verbally, emotionally or sexually abusive.
Pampering father - this father spoils the daughter.
Pygmalion father - the daughter becomes the father's companion.
Ruined father - the daughter has to rescue the father.

These were some of the main points of the wonderful weekend dealing with some of my fatherhood issues. I learnt a great deal about how my father has impacted my life both positively and negatively. I encourage everyone to do something like this because it really helps us understand who we are, where we came from and how our primary caregivers, our parents has impacted upon our lives...

www.jennasamaroo.com

Do You Have High Self-Esteem Or Low Self-Esteem?

2010-11-17T14:21:00.005-04:00

Over the course of the last week or so I came across this list that actually describes behaviour that indicates high and low self-esteem. Take a look and see where you might fall.

People with High Self-Esteem

1. Take responsibility for their action own feelings and behaviour; avoid blaming and excuses.

2. Take compliments graciously.

3. Listen to criticisms without anger or defensiveness.

4. Give praise and compliments frequently.

5. Take good care of selves physically; avoid self destructive behaviour.

6. Accept those things that can’t be changed; age, body type, height, etc.

7. Make decisions internally from own set of values.

8. Take emotional risks; are willing to fail or look foolish.

9. Assume they are likable and pleasant to be around.

10. Have a good sense of humor; delight in irony and humor that doesn’t make fun of people or their pain.

11. Are happy about the accomplishments of others; give encouragement and confidence to others.

12. Reach out to others and make contacts.

13. Accept mistakes as part of living; try again or try something new.

14. Listen openly to the feelings, thoughts and ideas of others.

15. Accept and give sexual and sexual pleasure.

16. Are attractive to and nourished by cooperative positive people.

17. Focus on the here and now and concentrate on those things that can be controlled

People with Low Self-Esteem

1. Blame others; attribute their emotions to others.

2. Deny compliments, act suspicious of them, feel manipulated by them.

3. Criticize and pass judgment.

4. Withhold appreciation and compliments.

5. Allow self-destructive behaviour to continue.

6. Complain and apologize about things that can’t be changed.

7. Mold to external pressures; needs constant assurance.

8. Needs situations to be safe and predictable; want to always look good and be right.

9. Assume they are liked and imagine that others secretly criticize them.

10. Are amused by humor that makes others look ridiculous.

11. Look for failure in others; call attention to others failures; predict gloom.

12. Wait for others to approach; blame others for being unfriendly.

13. Expect or demand perfection in self and others.

14. Argue. Preach, nag, and criticize.

15. Without pleasure from self and others.

16. Chose toxic, hurtful relationships.

17. Are disabled by guilt, remorse regret and worry.

www.jennasamaroo.com

Book Review - Common Sense Parenting

2010-09-23T10:29:00.008-04:00

I have been reading a book called Common Sense Parenting by Ray Burk, Ron Herron and Bridget A. Barnes.

This book was brought to my attention because it was written by authors affiliated with The Boys Town. The Boys Town is an organization dedicated to assist "at-risk" youths. They had a workshop in Trinidad and Tobago recently and even though I was not able to attend, the information was passed on by wonderful colleagues.

Common Sense Parenting is a fabulous book. It has many very important pointers for parents, especially in these times where parenting has taken on a whole different dimension. I am amazed because exactly what I suggest to parents about managing their children is exactly what is written in this book. There are step by step instructions on how to parent. I feel maybe I could have written this book!

I would like to share some pointers from the book in my blog. I am also still in the process of reading the book therefore as I read I will post pointers that I feel are important to share. Previously, I have written about the importance of parenting, understanding our young people, supporting them and so on. I am also making notes and blogs in small doses since the information is much to digest all at one time. I have been taking my time to read this book.

These first set of notes are about the appropriate teaching methods to teach children. The steps we should take to help them and teach them the valuable lessons they need to learn about themselves, expectations we have of them and generally life.

Appropriate Teaching

Specific

You let your children know exactly what they do right or wrong.

Responsive

You help your children understand the relationship between what they do and what happens as a result of their actions. So there is a reaction for ever action.

Concrete

You give your children clear examples of how to improve in the future. Clear examples helps them because as parents we sometimes take it for granted our children "know" what we expect of them.

Positive

You help you children learn self-discipline (to be in control of their actions and expressions of emotion). In order to do this we ourselves must be self disciplined. Children learn best by example. Therefore if you are positive and self disciplined we can teach by example.

Interactive

You give your children a chance to show what they have learned. You are an active part of the learning process. You and your children work together toward a common goal.

Informative

You become the teacher, the coach. As you give information that helps your children learn to solve problems.

The next blog will focus on positive and negative consequences. Common Sense Parenting gives very specific positive and negative consequences that parents can use with their children. So I will highlight some of these consequences and give examples of some the ways positive and negative consequences can work with parenting your children.

Trauma Workshop

2010-07-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

Over the course of the last few days I have the great pleasure of attending a Trauma workshop done by Dr. Palmer. First of all Dr. Palmer has a very impressive resume in which she has experience and research extensively in the field of psychology and trauma. She is the chair and Director of training of professional psychology and family therapy, counselling psychology programme at the department of professional psychology and family therapy at Seton Hall University.

The first day of the workshop was filled with a great deal of theory. Information was abundant and by the end of the day I felt saturated, but not in a bad way. I felt empowered and motivated like a child again, to read and explore an area that is popping up more and more in my work setting.

Children are being traumatized on a daily basis and we need to look at this more closely in order to help them. Working at a residential children's home is a place ripe with traumatized children and equally ripe with triggers that often sets the children's behaviour spiraling out of control. The stories children hear at school, in the media and in our lives are causing them to be traumatized more and more everyday.

Palmer's Wisdom

One of the things that I did not realise before this workshop is that trauma can start as early as the prenatal stage. When the child is born it is very important for the child to get that care and nurturing needed. Otherwise these apparent little things have a serious effect on the child's development and this contributes to trauma.

Other aspects that were quite informative and interesting is the play therapy techniques taught on the second day. The first exercise was to draw a picture without talking. We were put into groups and numbered off so that persons who most likely knew and were sitting next to each other were placed in a different group. Then each person in the group had to choose a color and draw a picture. No further instruction was given. It was very interesting to see how the different groups approached this exercise differently. Some groups were drawing their own pictures on different parts of the page so the picture was a bit disjointed as a whole but represented each of them. Some groups communicated through sign language and made a picture looking like if they planned it. Other groups looks at each others drawings and tried to add on. All in all it was a wonderful exercise. At the end of it we had to give the picture a title and explain what was done and what group dynamics took place during the exercise.

The second technique that we usually do not use in Trinidad is sandtray therapy. Basically you get a tray and fill it with sand. You can have wet sand or dry sand and provide all different figurines and items for kids to make their own picture. This can be used for children and adults in therapy. The picture to the right is a representation of what our group did with sandtray therapy using rice instead of sand.

The video below gives more information on sandtray therapy.

www.jennasamaroo.com

A Crazy Day in the Life of a Psychologist....

2010-07-24T11:25:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: These little excerpts are from many different sources. They were written for informational purposes.

Story One

Psychologist: so draw a picture of your family for me.
Little child: can i draw a picture of when mommy and daddy used to be together.
Psychologist: Sure no problem, its your family picture so draw whoever you want.
After drawing the picture.
Psychologist: what is that daddy has in his hand.
Little child: A gun.
Psychologist: why does daddy have a gun in his hand.
Little child: to kill mommy.

What would you do in a situation like this?

Story Two

Psychologist: Tell me...what do you do in your spare time.

Child: Watch TV

Psychologist: What else to you do besides watching TV?

Child: Play games on the computer or the DS.

Psychologist: Anything else?

Child: No that's it.

And we wonder why our children are not creative.

Story Three

Child: Miss I know sometimes that teachers come in and you know they in a bad mood or they had a bad day they might have problems at home that day, but Ms. X just has problems because like her day always bad!!!!

We must not our children think this of us.

Story Four

Mother: I don't know what to do my 6 year old is throwing temper tantrums.

Psychologist: What do you do to discipline him.

Mother: Discipline him, well I do not beat him.

Psychologist: Ok but what consequences are in place for when he throws tantrums or does something wrong.

Mother: I am supposed to have a consequence for tantrums.

There must be consequences for actions. Good consequences for good behaviour and negative consequences for negative behaviour. Parents must be consistent in their discipline.

Jenna Samaroo

www.jennasamaroo.com

Parental Control on the Internet

2010-06-28T11:49:00.000-04:00

I had the opportunity over the course of the last few weeks to set up Internet parental controls. This was a very interesting experience for me. I had to set up the controls because I have 8 to 12 teenage boys using the internet. I marvelled at how parenting has changed over the years.

Children these days are growing up with more exposure to everything at a younger and younger age. These days 3 and 4 year olds know how to navigate the pc and internet. When I was 3 or 4 years I was now learning to play with my dolls or build blocks.

This exposure comes because over the years access to information good and bad is generally more available. There is the internet, music, tv, cell phones, peers and so much more that influences our youths. And everything is so accessible because the advancement in technology is making to world smaller and smaller everyday.

Now the whole guarding the internet thing became more apparent to me after I installed the parental controls. I used a free service on xp called k9 from Blue Coat. This service has been working really well. I was also quite impressed with windows Vista parental controls. There two sets of controls help to limit certain sites the boys go on like porn sites, gambling, violence, gaming sites and more. You can also block certain sites you do not want them to go on like Facebook, Youtube etc. I have not placed very strict rules on these sites because I think its good for the boys to have exposure to social networking.

These two sets of parental controls offer an activity report, so I was able to find out on Vista that the boys were trying to look at porn, break my password, programmes opened and more. K9 just gives an activity report for the internet. Xp does not have parental controls built in.

There is one other cool feature that allows me to have remote access to the computers the boys are on from home, so I can see what is going on at any point. The programme I used is Log Me In.

Now all this appears to be like a great deal of controlling or trying to control, but as parents or guardians we have to be aware and move with the times.Teenager will find opportunities to sneak to do things parents disapprove of, but as parents we must not encourage these things to be too easily accessible. So I know the boys will try to look at porn they may get videos and dvd's from their friends but it cannot be said that I know it is easily accessible online and i did nothing to prevent this easy access. I am trying to be a responsible parent/guardian to the young budding men in my care, so I am taking precautions not to encourage certain types of behaviours to be normalised at home. I am not naive they will find means and ways of getting around accessing whatever illicit material they desire.

This whole parental control on the internet has been an eye opening experience for me. A great deal of the morals and values of the institution I work for, as well as my own values came up again and again. I also did not realise the amount of risks and threats, are just as much as the well, good and wonderful areas of the internet. Our children will be exposed to lots of information we must talk to them, let them know right from wrong. We must be informed ourselves and move with the times. We must learn what things our children are being exposed to and not be naive into thinking the times have not changed from when we were growing up. It is only then we can be effective parents.

Jenna Samaroo

www.jennasamaroo.com

Chimamanda Adichie: The danger of a single story

2009-11-28T00:20:00.001-04:00

Very interesting take a look....

Peaceful Communties still Exist

2009-10-18T23:21:00.027-04:00

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of attending some Divali Celebrations in my community as well as in Felicity. Felicity is a small rural community in central Trinidad. Divali is a Hindu celebrations where the home is lighted up with dias to welcome the goddess Lakshmi, since it is believed she will bring prosperity.

I remember as a child growing up things like Divali and Christmas used to be huge events that I looked forward to every year. Divali time was about getting dressed in pretty Indian wear and going by family or friends to light up, play with star lights and eat Indian sweets. Not only were there Indian sweets, there was delicious Indian food as well, roti and curry, but as a child with a sweet tooth, the sweets were my favorite part.

Over the years, moving on to becoming a teenager and an adult, festivals like Divali and even Christmas lost some of that of that childlike luster it once had. Long ago it just used to be more fun not only because I was a child but people in general were so carefree and full of life. The togetherness that was once felt sometimes feels quite absent.

These feelings though, changed in the celebrations for this year. My two outings were impromptu this year. I was greatly saddened by the first one in my community. Back in the days they used to have prayers, bend bamboo into interesting shapes and invite people to light the dias, sing and partake. The celebrations this year and a few years now is like a show. The crowd does not participate and there was no prayers. Entertainers were on stage performing. This is certainly not like the celebrations I know or remembered.

The second celebrations restored my faith in my fellow country men. My drive to Felicity was quite lovely was passed on some country road where there had many houses lighted up beautifully. When we arrived in Felicity it felt like a different country. The entire street was filled with arches and overhead lights. As we started to walk along the street, each and every house was immaculately clean. Hindu's were lighting their dias. We passed many houses where they gave out Indian sweets and parasad. There were various houses that did different types of bamboo bending with dias and Christmas lights. Many houses even put up bamboo stands outside on the pavement so that foreigners could lite a dia as well. Other houses had dias on their walls and banisters.

Walking along the street in Felicity felt so wonderful. I felt the togetherness and peacefulness of the community. I felt safe and even reminisced a bit from my childhood memories. I felt very much like a child again in awe at the lights. These feelings made me realise that no matter what, crime rate, 3rd world mentality and dictator style rulers, there are good peaceful people living in our country. People are still willing to open their doors and their hearts to others. These feelings are certainly not what I feel everyday walking through the streets or travelling on the road. Togetherness and peacefulness should be the everyday norm in Trinidad not something to be sampled once in a while. But I felt really good knowing that these qualities still exist in the people of Trinidad...

Jenna Samaroo

www.jennasamaroo.com

pictures - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=149562&id=516441336&l=855dea2844

Anger Management for Everyone...

2009-07-23T11:00:00.015-04:00

People just seem to be very angry all the time these days. Trinidad has become an angry and aggressive society. This anger and aggression, I have noticed stems from the busy lifestyles we are now living. There are demands all the time, the workplace, the family, the friends, school, and the list goes on.

Children in schools are no different. Sometimes, especially the teenagers, tend to be even more angry and aggressive towards their peers, their families, their teachers and those in authority. This anger and aggression from our youths, most times, come from what is going on in the home or their relationship with those in authority. This is just my experience I am sharing...

The other day I was asked to make a presentation on anger management because I cover this topic all the time with mostly youths.

One of the first things I ask young people is when you angry what is body response to anger. All of us need to know the signs that indicate when we are getting angry. These signs come firstly from our bodies. I have found that many people do not know the first physical signs that they are getting angry. Signs vary from person to person and its important for each one of us to be aware of this. There is a list of things that can happen and you need to pay attention.
You can;
start sweating,
get red or go pale,
get a headache,
eyes hurt,
eyes get larger,
breath faster,
muscles tighten in body, face arms,
veins pop out,
grind your teeth,
fist your hands,
twitch,
squint,
creased forehead,
and the list goes on and varies from person to person. Understanding the physical signs that you are getting angry is the first step in anger management and effective control.

The second step to anger management is identifying the triggers. Triggers are the events, persons, situation, memories etc. that makes us angry. Usually it is the same exact things that make us angry over and over again. Sometimes we really have to choose and ask ourselves important questions like do I really need to be angry at this today. Knowing what triggers our anger and maybe choosing a different strategy beside getting angry, can be helpful in problem solving and curbing anger.

The third vital step is to know what works at calming yourself down. There are various ways each person calm themselves down. The calming down process can only take place when we are now becoming aware that we are angry. Therefore the indicator to calm down will come from the initial body responses that says to us "hey I am getting angry". All of us have varying degrees of anger. So our anger can range from irritated, to annoyed, to vexed, to angry, to ranging angry and out of control. The calming down process has to start at the first signs of anger, so that will be the annoyed and vexed period. Here is where we want to at this stage;
take 3 or 4 deep breaths and let them out slowly,
we can count from 1-20 slowly in our minds,
we can walk away,
take a walk,
take a cold drink,
read,
listen to music,
do an physical activity like exercising,
take a cold shower
and the list goes on.

When we feel angry going into raging angry some of the things we can do is;
beat up on a pillow or cushion,
tear paper like newspapers,
jump up and down,
go outside and scream,
scream into a pillow,
etc.

These are the vital steps to anger management. This process obviously has to be altered from person to person. Some triggers are harder to control than others, because the roots go deeper and usually require therapy to overcome this deep rooted source of anger. But in a nutshell this is the skeleton of the process to anger management.

So the next time you get angry take a deep breath and decide if this situation is really worth you getting angry today.....

Jenna Samaroo
www.jennasamaroo.com

Bullying an ever increasing problem...

2009-07-20T20:00:00.001-04:00

In recent times I have realised that bullying is an ever increasing problems in our nation's schools and homes. The problem of bullying stems from many deep rooted issues.

Bullying is different from aggression. An aggressive child will be aggressive anywhere, with anyone and this behaviour is usual equal. Bullying on the other hand is an abuse of power, where one child overpowers another and deliberately hurts them (verbally, emotionally or physically). Usually the child being bullied has not done anything to deserve such treatment but has been targeted by the bully to show off his/her power on a continuous basis.

Generally, boys are more outright with bullying behaviour, therefore it appears more common amongst them. Girls on the other hand bully in less direct ways, for example they might deliberately leave out another girl from play, or activities. Bullying can be more effectively prevented and managed when work is started with younger children, rather than teenagers. The work that is usually done is through education, positive talk sessions, and strong policies in schools against bullying.

Teachers play a vital role in the prevention and management of bullying, since this behaviour occurs mostly in the school setting. Adults need to help the children become assertive, avoid certain situations, and actively help children who are being bullied. This can also be done through education.

Children who are bullied suffer from many different psychological issues. Bullying can cause loss of self esteem, depression, increased isolation, family problems, poor school performance and some children might even start thinking about suicide or revenge.

Children who bully are often unhappy and dissatisfied with aspect of their lives. More times that not bullies have been bullied themselves at one point. They have felt deprived and may have suffered the same imbalance of power, usually from a loved one. Therefore bullies themselves often have low self esteem. In order to feel good about themselves they bring others down. If this behaviour is not checked, the child can go on to delinquent behaviour in adulthood because they would not have learnt how to be responsible and work well with others.

As parents, teachers and adults one of the main ways we can help with the bullying behaviour is by modelling the correct behaviour for our young people. We also need to treat then with respect and love, giving them autonomy. We should not dominate them, demand and tell them what to do at all times, but to talk to our children and treat them with respect and love. We have to do more, educate more, role model more, be more vigilant to prevent the rising incidences of bullying...

Jenna Samaroo

www.jennasamaroo.com

Children's Questions About Sex.....

2009-06-22T09:58:00.009-04:00

If your 8 year old ask you what is a condom? what will be your answer?

I had a parent who asked me this question sometime ago and I thought this was very interesting because many parents do not know where to begin when their children start asking questions pertaining to sex.

First of all I tell parents do not lie. Long gone are the days that parents are able to lie to their kids about sex. Our children have access to so much more information than we had when we were their age. In my time there was no cell phone, and the Internet was now becoming accessible. The televisions shows and advertisements were still a great deal more G rated than they are now. Things are very different now, because our kids have access to much more information, therefore if parents do not answer their questions then who will?

The answer of who will is the scary part. Many time when parents do not answer their children's questions they go to their peers for these answers. Their peers may be misinformed and give wrong information. Peers may give too much information to the child causing confusion, more curiosity and sometimes experimentation.

We have to realise that the times have drastically changed from when we were children or teenagers therefore our parenting styles need to change to suit the times. Our children are being exposed to information, especially about sex, at younger and younger ages. Therefore as parents we MUST be the one give the information when they ask. Giving the information means that we ourselves must have the information. As parents we need to do the research in order to answer our children's questions. There are many books in the library or information from the internet that can be used to give pointers and help parents talk to their children about questions pertaining to sex.

So when an 8 year old asks what is a condom we must have an age appropriate answer. Our child is not a teenager and at 8 years old sometimes there is only so much understanding that takes place. Therefore we do not want to lie but at the same time we must not go too in depth to cause confusion. We must also know our children, because if we know them and we are aware of their thought process we will be able to know what will confuse them, what will make sense to them and how in depth we can take our discussion.

So an ideal answer might be something a man uses to prevent a woman and himself from getting HIV/Sexually transmitted diseases/ and pregnancy. Some children may ask more questions accordingly and we continue to keep the answers age appropriate. At 8 years old we should use the correct biological names when having discussions and keep checking to see if they understand what we are talking about, because sometimes we may be making them more confused.

Let us not get scared when our children start asking questions about sex at a young age. As parents we should get out there and make sure we are informed and answer the questions. Make sure our kids get the information they seek from us first. Keep the communication channel open, we must never tell our children questions pertaining to sex is inappropriate. Let them come and talk to us about it rather than talk to their peers and others who will give them wrong information and misguide our children.

Jenna Samaroo

www.jennasamaroo.com

Self Awareness Tool

2009-06-04T16:17:00.008-04:00

Last week I had the pleasure of redoing an exercise that always gives me great insight into myself and persons around me. The exercise is the Johari Window.

	What you see in me	What you do not see in me
What I see in me	The Open Area	The Private (or hidden) Area
What I do not see in me	The Blind Area	The Unkown Area

The model was developed by Joe Luft and Harry Ingham hence the name Johari. The model describes each of us as having four windows in which we have to consider as seen above.

The first window is the open or public area. These are the aspects of ourselves that are known by our friends ,family, co-works, colleagues, etc. This window is where we present ourselves everyday. These are the things we are open to discuss and observation of persons around us that we know about and is comfortable with others knowing as well. Like I think I am generous person, I like to share what I have, and persons around me think so as well.

The second window is the blind area. This area is the part of ourselves that is observed by everyone else but is not known to us. So for instance in this area, one of my colleagues thought I was alert. She observed this quality in me that I did not recognise, that I did not know about. This part is very important because many times people tell us what they observe about us and we are quick to get defensive instead of looking objectively at the observation, positive or negative. This feedback offers us great insight into ourselves that we did not have before, therefore this helps us in discovering part of the ourselves that is sometimes unknown.

The third window is the hidden area. This hidden area is where we keep parts of our lives private. There are aspects of our lives and ourselves that we do not tell people. Observations, experiences, traits, characteristics etc. that we do not share with others but we are fully aware of them. Even though we do not tell people about these hidden details it is important for each of us to understand why we want to keep these details hidden. This awareness helps in discovering the unknown.

The forth and final window is the unknown area. This area is undiscovered. The people around us and our own selves do not know this part yet, but life’s experiences and challenges will reveal this aspect of ourselves. The blind area can also help us to develop and become more aware of the unknown area. Also being aware of what causes us to hide aspects of ourselves from others will also give us insight into the unknown area. Therefore all in the windows have benefits for self awareness and self discovery.

This exercise is very good with team building, since it allows us to expand our knowledge base of each other. This exercise also makes us more aware of ourselves and what others see in us. Knowing what others see and working on them makes us more self aware making the window of the unknown a little smaller for the better understanding of self.

Turtle Trip

2009-05-24T08:00:00.003-04:00

Recently I had the pleasure of going turtle watching in Grand Riviere for the first time in my life. The experience was really wonderful. I was able to learn so much about leatherback turtles and the wonders of nature. I like doing nature things, and taking pictures of nature. At the moment I have been fooling around a little more with the camera understand setting, lighting etc. So for me this even was an opportunity not only to see something wonderful, but to also continue to play with my camera.

The beginning of the trip was quite an event, we got off to a late start for a long journey. The drive was tough we had to go through lots of dark winding roads. One of the thing to be very prepared for is motion sickness if you are susceptible to that. After about two and a half hours of driving we finally arrived at Grand Riviere.

Initially when we arrived, everyone was glad to stretch and also excited to see what was happening. There was a proper tour office with bathroom facilities which pleasantly surprised us, since we were not expecting facilities at all. The fee was a mere $15 tt for the tour.

We started by firstly getting the ground rules of the tour. No bright lights or torches, no flash pictures and no loud noise. All of these things will deter the turtles from coming ashore or it will

disorient them. After getting the rules for the tour we were able to view and hold some baby turtles. The baby turtles were no more

than two inches long and felt really like leather!!! They were rough little creatures and they were ready to to swim with their little

flappers gearing to swim. Our group also had the pleasure of releasing eight baby turtles into the water.

After releasing the hatchlings to my amazement there were many turtles laying theirs eggs that night. For most of the night turtle after turtle was coming up looking for their places to nest. Nesting season is from March to August every year. The leatherback turtles are an endangered species so the beaches they nest on are usually cut off from public access and wardens guard them day and night. The only access to the beaches are through certified tour guides and one has to buy a licence to go on the beach as

stated before.

These turtles come all the way from Africa to nest on out shores. The guides informed us that turtles can reach up to nine feet in length and span from 500 - 2000 pounds!!!

The actual laying off the eggs takes 5-9 minutes but the

camouflaging of the nest site takes up to 30 minutes. The communication between the turtles is absolutely wonderful, when some go back into the water others immediately come up and start looking for a spot to lay their eggs.

These reptiles have been dated back to the dinosaur age and it is quite sad that they are now

endangered.

Our group stayed the night because the guides told us we could take pictures of the turtles in the morning and collect hatchlings. We camped in our bus, which I must say was fun and interesting then at 5:30 am we went out to see the turtles. We were fortunate enough to see two female turtles still on the beach laying their eggs and we got some fantastic pictures. Unfortunately we did not see any hatchlings that were alive. Early predators, vultures and dogs, came out to dig up eggs and eat the hatchlings.

The experience was a fantastic one, the turtles were amazing creatures. The group of us laughed, chatted, shared and bonded with each other in a meaningful way. I will recommend a trip like this to any nature lover or persons wanting a bonding experience especially families with kids.

Jenna Samaroo

www.jennasamaroo.com

Thank You

2009-05-23T13:11:00.003-04:00

I just want to say thank you to a great friend of mine who decided that I needed to do more with my blog, my name and my career. Firstly I would not even have a blog if it were not for the persistence and motivation for my dear friends. Apparently persons follow and like my writing, thoughts and experiences, surprise surprise. I am definitely going to have to be more consistent with my blogs, since I have motivation and the support of my good and dear friends.

So thank you CG 2.0 for your gift I will try my very best to make you proud and to continue writing blogs more consistently.

My new blog address; www.jennasamaroo.com

Holders Hill Experience!

2009-04-17T13:18:00.003-04:00

I had the opportunity to take in some of the action at the finale of Holder's Season in Barbados. I must say that this event was a very interesting experience for me! The ambiance was fantastic with lanterns and chandelier lights all over the grounds. The stage set and lighting were bright and colorful representing the Caribbean island perfectly. The ladies came out in their best outfits with sparkles and dazzles like an ole years night event. The atmosphere was light and cheerful with champagne and wine bottles popping every 5 minutes.

There were various booths displaying art, craft, jewelry and furniture from all over the Caribbean. There was a wide array of different materials used to make the different items on display. One dynamic couple made their jewelry from ivory, from a seed

of a plant! Some of the artwork were made from old metal drums from Haiti. The artist flattened out the drums, treat it for rust and made beautiful pieces of fine art.

The event itself started a little late, but according the Caribbean time, it might have started on time. I had the honor of sitting in the media section so my view of the stage was fantastic. The MC was hilarious, he is an Irish comedian called Patrick Kielty. He was well versed with Caribbean and Barbadian events. I thought he did a magnificent job in his research! Mr. Kielty was one of the best acts of the show, I think the holders committee was brilliant in bringing him to MC the show.

The first act was a well renowned pianist Greg Anderson who delighted the crowd with four beautiful pieces. He showed great skill in using the piano. He did slow and fast numbers, and he also showed some unique skill by playing the piano while sitting back to front on the bench! This performance was not your classical piano performance, it incorporated the atmosphere of the island and the people.

The next act was a string quartet by the name Bowjangles, made up of two men and two women. These four thoroughly entertained the crowd with their performance, since they danced while playing their string instruments. Not only did they danced,but the group also appeared to have done some research on the Barbados environment and crowd in order to entertain to the fullest potential. The performance was magnificent! Their dance movements were brisk and had many aerobic movements. It must have taken a great deal of practice and skill to master their exquisite performance.

The last act before the intermission

was a husband and wife acrobatic team. They did many fantastic moves inside an air bubble showcasing their supreme balance, strength and skills. The lighted bubble along with their fantastic moves was a memorable moment for many.

Finally at the intermission they was some Barbados entertainment. There was a fabulous Jazz band by the name of C4. They consisted of four guys on pan, keyboard, drums and guitar. They were able to set a nice tone for the crowd to eat, drink, chat and socialise until the show started back. The band played some original numbers that earned some moderate applause from the crowd. The pannist was very versed in his fabulous solo, and I thought he might be able to give some Trini pan men some competition!

Unfortunately I was not able to stay for whole second half of the show. But the show was definitely an experience! The atmosphere, art and craft and entertainment were exquisitely different and it adds another dimension to the variety of Caribbean entertainment.

Check out a review of C4 the jazz band at http://entertainment.coreykgraham.me/

Jenna Samaroo

jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

Save a Life!

2009-04-14T21:43:00.008-04:00

This video touched my heart.

It was brought to the attention of my good friend CG 2.0 who is big in entertainment in Barbados. He made me aware of how Shaggy is doing a lot of work for the children, producing video and doing concerts to help raise money for sick children to get care. There is a Shaggy make a difference Foundation where all proceed go towards a hospital for children.

https://www.shaggymakeadifferencefoundation.org/

It is so fabulous to see our entertainers and super personalities putting their talents to causes such as this because as the song going "the children are our future" and it is up to all of us to invest in whatever way possible to save them. That is something I feel very passionate about and I try every day to make my contribution no matter how small!!!

I feel a great sense of pride to see not only Shaggy but the rallying together our Caribbean musicians to help in his quest and make this beautiful video!!! I will contribute as best as I can for the cause, because its a cause I personally and passionately believe in.....

You to can make a difference by going on the website above!

Jenna Samaroo

jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

The New Planet!

2009-02-15T12:33:00.003-04:00

Due to air pollution the earth ozone layer is way too thin. Days are getting hotter and hotter. In a couple of days the earth is going to be too hot for humans to survive. N.A.S.A. has a rocker that with send people to a new planet so that they can repopulate and the human species with not become extinct. They only problem is that the rocket can only take 10 people. You decide which 10 people should go to the new planet and tell me the reason why they should go.....

1. A 15 year old female with 3 children.

2. A 12 year old male bright student who wants to be a police officer.

3. A 19 year old male computer technician.

4. An 18 year old male high school dropout (unemployed).

5. A 14 year old female pregnant with twins.

6. A 15 year old female fashion model.

7. A 15 year old female pregnant in high school.

8. A 16 year old male boyfriend of # 7 baby’s father.

9. 10 year old male street child.

10. A 19 year old male prostitute.

11. A 20 year old male law student.

12. A 10 year old female who was sexually abused by their stepfather.

13. A 15 year old male who is very wealthy (rich).

14. A 20 year old male footballer.

15. A 22 year old female college student, studying the environment.

16. A 20 year old male known for drug abuse.

17. A 14 year old female boxer, she also has a part time job as a cashier.

18. An 18 year old male who has the flu.

19. A 19 year old female who is studying plants and trees.

20. A 19 year old male gang member.

21. A 17 year old male who collects garbage.

22. A 20 year old female who owns her own food stand.

23. A 10 year old male farmer.

24. A 19 year old female who was raped by her boyfriend.

25. A 12 year old male fisherman.

26. A 17 year old male baker.

27. A 22 year old actress and dancer who smokes.

28. An 18 year old male professional basketball player.

29. A 13 year old male who has chicken pox.

30 An 18 year old female who is studying psychology and has a fear of flying.

Jenna Samaroo

jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

Time of Reflection

2009-01-22T08:28:00.002-04:00

During the last couple months I learnt many valuable lessons about life and about the fragility of life through my own experiences. Many of these lessons gave me great insight into interacting with my clients in a more meaningful way. Not only was the interaction with my clients changed but how I view things generally in life.

I got very ill and for a while the doctors did not seem to know what was wrong with me. I felt really scared not knowing what could possibly be wrong in a matter of one week. The doctors were talking about things like leukemia, lymphoma and lupus. Chronic diseases that could change my life forever. The thing is though, thankfully I had none of these things, but the thought that I could have, changed my life forever!

Some of the lessons I learnt. One never take life, especially health for granted. All of us, but especially mental health professionals need to take care of ourselves first sometimes. I was working hard, not taking vitamins, running myself on low to empty to try to meet and greet every one's demands. The funny thing about it is that when you do something you love, even if you are running on empty it does not feel that way. Therefore I realised it is important for me to schedule some rest and relaxation in between despite not feeling like if I need it.

I also have a greater appreciation for clients with chronic illnesses. It certainly is an experience on its own to be diagnose with a life changing health issue. Therefore to actually go through the changes that has to take place day to day is another experience altogether. I definitely think I am better equipped to help clients overcome these life changing experiences. Not only do I have a greater appreciation for helping clients with chronic illnesses but also I can help them cope in a better way with loved ones who have these health issues.

Another emotional experience for me was being hospitalized. The hospital experience reminded me not only of our country's failing health system, but also how some people have to live. Many patients at the hospital was in pain, many of them needed tests done but could not afford to go to a private doctor, many of them were humble people trying to get healthy and continue with life.

These experiences were a wake up call for me not because I am not aware ofwhat is going on around me but I think to keep me on my toes. Because sometimes in life things can change in an instant. Not only can they change but it could turn things literally upside down. I also learnt that people have to tolerate certain conditions because better really cannot be done. I learnt how badly our health care system is at this point. I learnt what it felt like to be sick and not know why and have the worst case scenario placed before my eyes. I had time to reflect and redirect my approach on life and on my career. I believe in the saying everything happens for a reason and maybe I needed to take my sick period to reflect and redirect my life and to be a better mental health professional to my clients.....

Future Young Men

2008-11-19T14:17:00.004-04:00

I have the pleasure of interacting with many pre-adolescent, adolescent and young adult males. Many times these interactions give a clear indication of the impact of fathers not being in the household on our young males. Many times these young men are confused about their roles. They have little respect for females and persons around them. Their notions of being a man, manliness or plane masculinity is jaded. They perceive that being a man entails many things that are not really true. Drugs, machoism, breadwinners, cursing, drinking, little respect for authority, stealing, lying are just some of the negative characteristics many young men think they should follow.

But my faith in young men have been restored from time to time. Not all young men are bad obviously but sometimes it may seem that way because of bad press, because we mainly only hear the horror stories. The good or better stories are buried below the badness of some young men. There are many young men with the dream of being more. They are many young men with so much potential. We as a society have to help guide and channel the potential of these young men. Especially those who are not fortunate to have good guidance from parents or family. We cannot only look at the bad but for our future and the future of our young people on a whole we must look at the good and offer guidance and support to our young men.

When I say guidance that is essentially what I mean. As a society it is out responsibility to guide and support our young men. Many of them do not have a father figure or the father figure that is available is simply not good enough. Fathers need to start stepping up to their responsibilities. Our young men have so much potential so why are we letting all this potential be lost to drugs, womanizing and so much more. The male species has to start saving their own. And we can start this with fathers who are willing to accept their responsibilities.

Young men have the world in their hands and with guidance and support they can achieve anything. I think it is time start trusting our young men for they our future. The young people are the ones who will be running our companies and our country in years to come. We need to believe in our young men and guide them so that they can be the true leaders of tomorrow.

Couples Challenges

2008-11-14T22:17:00.007-04:00

Working with couples have taught me a number of valuable lessons over time. Firstly couples are not my preferred client because it takes so much out of counselors, especially myself, to mediate between two very different and often uncompromising personalities. This is not always the case though. But at the end of sessions I find my energy drained. Every counsellor has their preferred population. Mine is definitely children and adolescents and not so much couples.

But we are focusing on couples at the moment. The saying it takes two hands to clap is very true indeed. Many times couple problems start by the couples not understanding the differences between themselves as men and women FIRSTLY and then as individuals secondly.

I read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus a while back, and I really like this theory so I use it in working with couples. The theory goes like this, firstly men and women are different, we both think, act, look, process and perceive things differently. Many of these differences between men and women were not taught to any of us, but we learnt them through socialization and observing the people around us. But sometimes socialization doesn't always work in understanding these DIFFERENCES.

For instance many times couples are surprised to know that they process problems differently. A man will process a problem he has at work in his head. He will analyse the situation, roll it over and over till he finds a solution. Sometimes he might go into a cave where he does not verbalise to anyone about the problem but his mind is at work problem solving. A woman on the other hand will have her own problem at work, and she will start processing how she is going to deal with it by talking it over with her colleagues or the people around her. A woman processes a great deal through verbalization. Therefore as she talks the ideas come forward. This is a basic difference that sometimes men and women don't realise. So when both parties come home from work with problems on their mind, the woman wants to talk about the problem, whereas the man wants to sit and think about his problem. These problems may not even slightly be related to the relationship because they are both work related yet if the man and woman do not understand the others need, much frustration will come out of the situation. This is something that happens a great deal in relationships and is the cause of many fights!

The fights occur because stereotypes start. So a woman gets the whole "oh you talk so much" and the man gets "oh your so insensitive and cold". But really and truly its not a matter of who talks more and who listens less, its a matter of difference in the species. At this point a compromise must be reached. A ready compromise is to communicate with each other so the man might say "give me an hour then we can talk", and the woman understanding his need to be in his space gives him that. Another solution is that they talk first and then the man takes some time alone to continue on his solution, and when he finds it he then verbalizes it to the woman so she feels like a part of the process.

There are many other tid bits in the book on the differences between men and women that will change how one looks at relationships between men and women whether it is a romantic relationship, work relationship or friendship. I think it is important to observe the differences in men and women in order to understand a man or woman in the context of a relationship. So my suggestion for today...get the book and start learning what makes men different from us gals :o)

Jenna Samaroo
jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

Decisions and Junctions

2008-08-02T08:00:00.003-04:00

Decisions decisions....of lately I am finding decisions so hard to make. Like 10 years ago decisions were much easier. I decided what to wear, whether to do homework or not, wash dishes or not, decisions were simple. Now I find it so hard to make decisions because I feel so unsure of which ones are the right ones, the decisions are big and affect my future and the future of those around me. I wish a fortune teller can say hey Jenna this is what you got to do.

At the moment I think that I am at a very important junction in my life. Yes yes the psychologist doesn't have all the answers trust me. I guess at this point I have made accomplishments which I am proud of in certain aspects of my life so I feel its time to get other aspects moving and moving they are....

I've been at junctions in my life before and there is always a certain excitement for me that goes with it. Like I feel excited and I know things are going to change because of my decisions. Change is the only permanant thing in life, but it doesn't make it any less scary. So I'm excited and scared, for me that's how I know things are about to change, and I might be going into the unkown for a bit. Thus far I have made the correct choice at my previous juctions so I think I have a good track record.

The world is basically the limit at the momoent, therefore its hard to choose which direction to go, both have consequences, both involve change, both involve a road that is new territory. I've prayed about it, I've thought about it and now I'm writing about it. I'm standing at the junction trying to figure out which direction to go, the decision is hard, I'm hoping I make the right one, the signs are up so I'm going to go THIS WAY>>>>>>>>>

Jenna Samaroo
jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

The Cup of Life

2008-07-23T08:50:00.008-04:00

It's been a while since I last posted a blog. Many activities are going on at the moment because its vacation time for those in school.I myself is getting in some rest and relaxation in between.

I had the pleasure of organising a retreat for some young women during my non blogging time. I must say spending a weekend with young women was very entertaining. The girls had a really good time in the retreat because the theme was The Cup of Life.

The Cup of Life had 3 main parts. The first day we were able to think about the meaning of a cup what it represents. It can be filled, emptied, contents of the cup can he shared, more can be added, it can be half full or half empty depending on how one looks at it. So we all spent time reflecting and decorating the cup of life.

The second session focused on the Cup of Remembrance, where the focus was on taking a trip down memory lane. We had to think about the people who made us who we are today, our family of origin, out country and culture, significant people who left their mark on our lives. The activity surrounding such a big Cup was to make a family shield or crest similar to those of like King Arthur back on the day.

The third session focused on the Cup of Forgiveness. This was a huge one because we took a trip down memory lane remembering the persons who have hurt us in some way, and we also reflected on how we might have hurt others. Of course with each session we were able to go deeper and deeper into ourselves. Therefore the session was another success. Everyone took some time to tell people that they have hurt sorry. I am SORRY. Those simple words can do a world of good.

The forth and final session focused on the Cup of Healing. This aspect focused on healing from all our wounds and using our interaction with persons in our lives to help the healing process. Time heals wounds but it is up to us to let go of the hurt and pain other have caused.

The weekend was interesting, fruitful and deemed a success by all present. Every once in a while its good to take a retreat to reflect, I think the weekend get away was definitely what I needed to remember where I came from, to forgive and to heal...

Jenna Samaroo
jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

Never to late for New Beginnings :o)

2008-07-03T09:00:00.002-04:00

I attended several weddings in the last couple weeks and the theme of new beginnings was lodged in my head. Two people deciding to commit to each other and start a life together is a beautiful thing. It is essentially a new beginning.

These weddings reminded me about therapy. Each person has a chance at a new beginning. Every day could be a new beginning. A fresh new day to start over and get going on the things we want to do. Many times people are afraid of new beginnings because there are many changes that takes place and some people think change is bad. I remember my father telling me ever since I was a child the only thing permanent in life is change, so why be afraid of it.

I think that is when clients come to see me, especially frustrated parents, or children of abuse; they desire a new beginning. My job is to sometimes make sure that they want that and help them toward it. I remember talking of a new beginning with a young lady that was sexually abused. She was like " you know that makes sense, I really want to start over I just don't now how". Even a couple that came to me one time, they started dating again it was a new beginning for them because they haven't gone out on a date with each other in years. Sometimes the human being falls into habit and comfort. The habit is so familiar that they are afraid to change things up and shift things around.

The simplest example of this is a good friend of mine who was sick and had to be out of the routine for two weeks. He was a bit afraid and depressed because those two weeks would have facilitated a change in routine, and out of his comfort zone. He was essentially afraid of THE CHANGE, because routine was comfortable. Two weeks later he wished he has more time to be out of the loop, because he had some time to get some other things done. In essence his experience was a New Beginning. At least that's how I see it. Because I am pretty sure when he goes back out to work and gets involved in things again even if he does fall into a routine, it certainly would not be the same as two weeks prior to his time out.

I believe we all have a chance at a New Beginning every day. The weddings I attended reminded me of that. I think it is important to be reminded, reminders help keep us all grounded. So make today a new day in a new chapter of your life...

Support and Affirmation

2008-07-02T09:03:00.005-04:00

This week has been a particularly fruitful week for me. After coming out of my birthday celebrations I had several work related and personal functions to attend. But the work I did in the last two weeks in therapy, and in observations has me believing that in some small way we can all make a difference.

Sometimes I believe all people need is for someone; anyone to show that they care. Children and adults alike look for this sort of affirmation from their peer, colleagues, friends and even strangers.In the last two weeks I took some time out to show support to my colleagues for the work they did with some young people. The young people my colleagues worked with, showed a lot of talent and potential. These young people showed that they can love, appreciate and help others. I felt so good to see that these young people were going through the lengths and breaths to make a difference in their schools. I felt good to know that there is hope in some of our youth. All my colleagues did was take the time and effort to help, nurture and show support to these young people, to reaffirm to them that they can do it! It was wonderful to see such positiveness in our youths!

I also had some clients of my own who just needed affirmation. In the last few weeks it I have dealt with many different issues. What I find happening the most, is that people know what they want to do, they know what they have to do, but they are looking for that support and affirmation from someone. People need to believe and sometimes need to hear this from someone else. I find a lot of time we are living in a very negative society and people do not show love and support for one another. It is important for us as a community, friend and family to help uplift and affirm each other. Because deep down we all know what we need to do, what we want to do about a situation, event or person. But we are afraid, afraid of hurt, afraid of pain, afraid of taking the risk, afraid of what other people say, we are afraid because everyone is telling us we will fail.

So the lessons learnt in the last few weeks for me is that sometimes I need to just focus on supporting and affirming persons around me. My faith and hope in the youth was reaffirmed, by me trying to be supportive of my colleagues...

Jenna Samaroo
www.jennasamaroo.blogspot.com

Celebrations and Reflections

2008-06-18T09:01:00.008-04:00

This week I have been celebrating my birth because my birthday is this week. Tomorrow to be exact. I have been celebrating! Every since I was a child my parents have always made a big deal about my birthday. Every step of the way they have made it something special and memorable they have insisted that I must celebrate. And so the celebrations begin!

The week started with a bang! My work colleagues decided to celebrate with me and I was touched in so many ways because I have impacted upon them in a positive way! or so I was told lol! Honestly though, it means the world to me that my work colleagues celebrated with me, it shows me that I am doing something, somewhere along the way that is impacting....

But besides the celebration I took some time out to reflect about the past year of my life. It was a good year. I have changed in many ways throughout the year. I finished up my course of study, and I started working in a discipline that I love. I am interacting with my colleagues and I have moved from a student to a professional, where my opinions are valued and taken seriously. This is quite a change for me because I have always been a background person. I have already started working with my preferred populations which is children and adolescents. At the moment in terms of my career I am living my dream. This is what I wanted to do and I am doing it. I cannot describe the pleasure and fulfillment I feel at the end of the day. So in terms of my career I am satisfied. The work and effort of the last year have paid off.

My relationships have changed as well. I find that I am able to understand and interact with my loved ones in a better way. I am able to explain myself and understand better the challenges each one of them faces from time to time. My friends have also changed...I have lost some friends and gained some friends and I have also lost contact with some and grown apart from some. My interaction with my peers have changed...some for the better others for the worse. But I think I am just growing and learning some basics about life, friendship, and love. So the past year have taught me some LIFE lessons as well.

Now I am looking for what I want out of the next year. Of course in the last year because of study and career certain parts of my life have been a tad bit neglected. Working with children have highlighted the yearning to start a family of my own. So that is definitely something to work on [hint hint to my significant other :o)]. Also I would like to work on the usual things house, car etc. I want to continue to make a difference in some small way, in one child's life at a time. I want to continue to be honest and genuine in everything that I do. I want to continue to be grounded and fulfilled. I want the next year to continue to be successful, but not only in terms of my career, but in terms of my life.

So I will continue to celebrate this week, feeling contented with the last year of my life and looking forward for what is in store for the year to come. Another chapter of my life is beginning....

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Parenting or lack thereof....

2008-06-11T13:58:00.008-04:00

My clients teach me a great deal about life and parenting. I have one young lady that plainly told me "its best my parents just spilt up because they quarrel too much". Then I have another child telling me she is soo sad because "daddy doesn't live at home anymore".

The notion of the nuclear family is changing rapidly. The "normal", "nuclear" family is almost non existent in today's society.What I am finding the most, is that the daddy's are missing in action. Firstly a good portion of fathers are not with the child mother when they child mother brings the child to see me, and even if the fathers are in the household they are too busy with work and other women to take the time that is needed for their children.

Beside the issue of the larger portion of fathers being a waste of time in terms of parenting because of different and diverse issues, there is the problem of basic parenting. Firstly the times have changed so no longer does society or the community take the time to discipline a child. There is a saying it takes a village to raise a child and in the times before the village used to take a valid interest in their children and take the time to correct them and raise them properly. But capitalism stepped in. Let me tell you capitalism is more than an economic phenomenon it is a world wide trend of a change of life. Society now only cares about itself. The village no longer cares about the next door neighbor's child.

Ok back to my point on parenting. Times have changed and one of the problems is that parents go to different extreme with their kids. One extreme is to go to "well in my time" it was this way so you will have to do it this way. The youth of today will deliberately do it the opposite way because you just said back in your time!!! Young people will automatically rebel when we tie the ropes too tight when it comes to discipline and parenting. But then there is the other extreme of letting the child do as he/she pleases. Children need structure both parents cannot be working and leave the child at home unsupervised for a long period of time!!!!

In order to discipline children they need to have rules, guidelines and structure. Therefore leaving a 6 year old at home alone after school for 2 hours spells of disaster when that child hits 13 or 14. The cute 7 year old that throws tantrums and will " grow out of the phase" spells disaster because chances are the tantrums will get progressively worse. Dressing a 8 year old in halter tops and short skirts is cute but when she reached 12 or 13 that will spell disaster...
Letting the child do what he/she likes with no consequence for action spells DISASTER!!!!

Therefore it is not the responsibility of the counsellor or psychologist to "fix" the child. Parents need to start taking responsibility. Fathers needs to have a input into their children's lives. Mothers cannot do everything! When fathers and mothers fight, argue and are at wits ends with each other no one else suffers but the child. The child can manipulate the situation and play one parents against the other to get what he/she wants or they can be sad and frustrated with the situation. Whatever the child chooses to do is an equally destructive path. I remember calling one father to come in to speak with me because the child cries and becomes very sad when she misses her father. You know what that man said that he has NO TIME!!! What kind of fathers we have out there that has no time for their CHILDREN!!!! The child is quite distraught when the father makes promises that he cannot keep. The disappointment the child feels when the father calls to say I coming in 5 mins and it takes him 5 hours, 15 beers and some time by the other woman first!!

Its time for parents and society to be more responsible. Children cannot parent themselves, they need love, support and GUIDANCE. Its time for parents to step up to the plate and start working to save our youths.

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Strange Feeling

2008-06-05T15:34:00.007-04:00

I have been feeling a lot of emotions in the past few weeks coming out of the child abuse awareness going on in Trinidad. Many of my emotions and opinions came out in this blog. What really has me stunted today is something a colleague told me. I guess I know I am doing work and work that I love to do. My job is calling and i give up a great deal to make sure the job is done. I am involved in many programmes and I'm doing many different things. What stunted me is the opinion that I raised the bar to new heights with the projects I am involved in and just the work I am doing. My colleagues felt i was making a difference. That to me is a big deal.

I mean I know I am doing a lot of work but its just different when someone points it out and elaborates. It feels good to know that I am not spinning top in mud because sometimes this job can feel that way. Especially when trying to interact with untrained personnel.

The other day I felt upset that some of my peers started to treat me with a reverence and respect that I felt I did not deserve. but I realised that all this stems from the changes I have gone through. I have gained experience about life that is new, I have gained experience in my academics and in my career. Things are going so interesting in my career. I am doing the things that I want to do and that I love. Many of the issues I deal with on a day to day basis are pretty serious and often serves as a reality check for me. I think I have gotten more serious about life and about my career. Different things matter to me now that before. I feel a sense of fulfillment that is unexplainable. I guess these turn of events in my life have caused me to interact with my peers and colleagues differently. Maybe it is a respect that I have earned and I am grateful that people around me value my opinion and listen to me in a serious way. I am thankful for the things I have and my ability to make a difference. It is indeed a strange feeling for me to be viewed as a person making a difference because I am still young to the field of psychology and there is so much more to learn. But the lesson of today for me is I can learn and still make a difference while learning and be taken seriously in the process because I approach my work and life in genuine way.

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Training

2008-06-05T10:34:00.007-04:00

Where do I start with this... I feel very passionate about trained people caring for children. Part of work entails working with institutions so I have first hand knowledge of the damage that untrained staff can have on children. These institutions are largely government assisted so there lies the problem. The ministry handles the hiring of the staff but the qualifications for working in residential institutions in Trinidad and Tobago are just CXC passes!!!! Imagine that CXC passes to work with at risk children!!!! Obviously that doesn't make any sense but that's the fact of the matter at the moment.

So my blog yesterday on child's rights and legislation comes back to the same point of implementation and executing. It is all well and good to have laws but why are the authorities starting from the wrong end? Firstly if there is to be structure in place for abused children the existing institutions should be revised. Therefore staff should be TRAINED to handle cases of abused, abandoned and neglected children.

At the moment it sad mess and disgrace to see how "caregivers" handle children simply because they are not trained firstly in caring for children and secondly caring for children who at at risk, and have many mental health issues. Therefore the government need to get their priorities correct and start working on making the human resource work to better the society. Many pretty building are going up but the children continue to suffer and staff especially in institutions continue to be untrained.

There is a need for treatment centres as well. Children who have been neglected, abandoned and abused don't need a residential home environment. What they need is a therapeutic treatment centre so that they learn to heal from the loss, hurt and pain that they feel. They need a complete therapeutic environment to help them to become less at risk and to live somewhat normal lives. These children need to feel safe and secure, they need to feel love, and in some cases the onset on mental illness can be prevented. They don't need to continue to struggle for sanity and be subjected to caregivers who need more therapy, and have mor mental health issues than the children themselves.

Sometimes the work I do can get disheartening. Sometime I wonder if I am spinning top in mud in trying to work with the children when the caregivers break down all that my colleages and I try to do. But it is my calling to work with them and make a difference. If I can get through to one child it is one step closer to making a difference for me. So I will continue to work and take my fulfillment from the baby steps that the children make. Because those baby steps are a big deal in the wider scheme of things knowing what odds they are up again. The baby steps are in fact not so baby. I will continue to speak out and fight against the system. That's the least I can do at this point......

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Child Rights!

2008-06-04T11:01:00.007-04:00

There is a big deal these days about child rights, laws and legislation to protect children from abuse. This is stemming from the situation I wrote about previously with the death of the eight year old girl. What upsets me the most about these people is that they come on TV and TALK. They talk about this and that about protecting the child and passing laws and amending old laws which is all well and good BUT I have to ask what will happen in the implementation stage?

Laws and legislation will help yes, but who is there to implement these new laws? What process is going to be used? Who is going to monitor the execution of the stipulations of the laws? The police? At the moment the police is almost a complete waste of time in Trinidad and Tobago with no people skills, must less skills to handle an abused child...Then if not the police who else is there? the family court? The family court at the moment is swamped with work, probation officers and social workers are overworked and the turnover rate at the court is quite high. Therefore there is a general lack of manpower to make sure that such legislation can be effectively executed and monitored.

Besides the problems with the execution of the laws who is to be held accountable when a child is abused? I think the parents are the ones that are supposed to be accountable for their children, after all their are the ones that are mandated to provide protection! Therefore it should not just be the perpetrator that is liable to be charged for the violation of a child's rights. Where are the mothers and fathers in such situations when the child is being violated? I have cases where the mother KNOWS the child is being abused! Therefore the law should have parents accountable for their children. Parents should be help accountable if their children are not protected, especially in cases where it is a boyfriend or girlfriend of the parent that is harming the child.

Obviously parents cannot watch over children 24 hours a day and sometimes children of responsible adults are still violated. But holding parents accountable will help parents to protect their children in a greater capacity, instead of leaving them totally open to predators. If work is done in making parents more accountable for their children, making them realise that a child a is big responsibility and children cannot be treated like property or garbage, that people cannot make babies and leave them for the state to take care of!!! only then there can be a change in the instances of violations against children.

So these TV personalities can talk about child's rights, legislation, laws etc. all week I am assuring you once parents are not made accountable for protection and maintenance of their children things will continue to remain the same, and in a few weeks all the talk about child's right, legislation and laws will be forgotten, because we are a society that forgets the important issues in 9 days. Even if the laws are passed, there is a lack of manpower to execute what is on paper. So while we wait for the laws etc. I ask again what are we going to do to make a difference and protect the children of this nation?]

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Sad News

2008-05-28T08:50:00.004-04:00

Today the talk of the town is the sad news about the eight year old girl who was raped and killed by her mother's boyfriend. Listening to that story really broke the heart and spirit of many people around me. I mean many of my cases I deal with sexual and physical abuse of children, but it doesn't make a new case easier. Each case pulls at my heart strings no matter what. Each case is a very serious matter. Children these days are suffering a whole lot. Not only are they physically and sexually abused but they are abused emotionally and mentally. When a parent or authority figure tells a child "look at you, your a no good like your mother/ father" or "I'd live to see the day your picture on the papers" or "you so damn stupid" that's emotional abuse!!!!!

These various types of abuse is happening more often than not. Most of the children I see are really suffering. They are being torn to pieces because their parents are divorced, separated or simply can't get along. Some of them don't even understand the full impact of their parents arguments and they often feel they are the cause. Yes yes if parents don't take the time to communicate and work with the child, he/she feels that he/she is the cause of the divorce or separation of the parents. Some children live by aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc and these people would rather and prefer not to be taking care of these children. The child feels totally and completely rejected and unloved in situation where there is a care of "I only keeping you because of your mother/father" and " I don't know why your mother/father don't take you".

There are also instances of children torn apart because their mother had children with many different men, and the man in the house now is not their father. When a situation like this occurs, the children from the earlier set of children with the first father or fathers suffers the most, because they have to endure the change of father figures on a frequent basis. And when the father figure changes there are a host of problems added to that. One of the main problems is abuse. The boyfriend, common law husband or whatever you want to call the new man around often has his own set of bad habits, baggage and children. In many of my cases he is the one that instigates the mother to reject the children that are not his. He lays down the law because he's the one that is providing money. The other children will get food, clothes, money for school etc. when he says. He is the one who often abuses the children, verbally, emotionally, physically and worst of all sexually. Now mind you I say many cases, but sometimes the father figure can be a good genuine person who seeks the best interest of all the mother's children, his children and even those who are not his, and provides well and equally for all the children in the household. But to tell you the truth those stories are far and few in between.

But back to the point though, what kind of man or men are we rearing in our society? What kind of man rapes and kills an 8 year old girl? How many young girls and boys are out there that are being abused and broken beyond repair? Before I spoke of the responsibility of motherhood, but we are also responsible as a society to make a difference. I think we need to do something to help the young women who are lost with many children and who doesn't know what to do with herself except make more children. We also need to help our young men because they no longer have respect for themselves must less women, children and others in society which includes you and me. We have lost many of our young men to the streets, drugs, gangs etc. What can we do to help? What can we do to make sure another 8 year girl is not raped and murdered again.......That is the question we must all ponder on today.........

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

The Importance of Listening to our Youths

2008-05-21T08:43:00.010-04:00

This thought struck has been in my mind for some time now. We need to listen to what our youths have to say some more. Young people, time and time again, have discussed with me the problems they have with the parents, guardians, teachers, authority figures, elders etc. not listening to them.

There are many types of listening parents and elders have to do in these times. Firstly we have to realise that our children have changed from the time when we were children. Even me myself, when i first started working with young people, I felt the generation gap! I had to readjust and not be judgemental of the experiences of the youth of today. I had to realise that my time, even though it was no so very long ago, is different from the experiences of today's youths. I had to remember that these young people are not me and did not grow up in my era, in my circle of friends, in my family. I had to learn about the different challenges young people face today I had to listen to them to learn what is going on in their lives.

We have to actively listen to our young people. When I say listen, again I don't just mean chatting in the car on the way to school. We have to actively listen. I think some parents need to block out a half hour and do the essentials of good listening. Eye contact, genuine interest, minimal questions, undivided attention. A number of times we are not listening to our young people when we are doing other things, washing the dishes, watching TV, driving in the car, etc, but that is not always a healthy and effective way to listen. Also we are always itching to ask questions to our young people but if we just let them talk all the information will come forth. No matter what, young people want to feel a sense of empowerment, a sense of worth, and when they are sharing what is going on with them, by all means give them the attention they desire and rightfully deserve.

Another way we can listen is by observing the body lauguage of our youths. Many times we feel afraid to ask questions when we see something out of the ordinary. Sometimes we can take it to the next extreme and ask too many questions. Its all about observation and balance. I think every parent should be able to pick up on the changes in the body language of their children. If you see changes in behaviour, maybe they have starting some acting out behaviours. There is always a reason for that behaviour. The behaviour in fact will happed in small doses before it gets to a grander scale. Why did my youth get out of control? some parents ask....well its because the little changes were not observed and addressed. A simple way to deal with a change in behaviour sometimes is to offer an ear to the youth. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, they won't be judged. And if they messed up and made a mistake that they will still be loved.

Many times youths come to see me and they claim that they act out because they are tired of trying to get their elders to listen to them. Sometimes they feel that their elders won't understand why they might have messed up in some area of life. The youths are often afraid that their elders would pass judgement on them and they would loose their love. Sometimes the judgement has already been passed and the young person decided to respond to the self fulfilling prophecy. So the youth might say to himself/herself "ok so you think I am bad, ok, I will show you I am bad!!!!"

All of this goes back to the point. Talk to the youths and listen to them. Actively listen by giving just 30 mins of undivided attention from time to time. Listen not only with your ears, but your eyes and other senses. Look at when your young person has subtle changes in body language and behaviour. Ask questions and if they are unwilling to talk, leave the door open for them to come to you. A simple way is to just tell the youth "ok I understand you don't want to talk now about whatever is going on but know that you can come chat with me when you are ready", and leave it at that no more questions! Just these little reassurances can go a long way for a young person. One of the things that we have to remember is that we CANNOT base what is going on with out young people today on our time. Our time was different, peer pressure was not such a burden, we didn't even have half the technology that is available now, we were not exposed to so much information about everything and anything, women were not half as independent as they are now, these are to name just a few changes from back in the day when we were teenagers to now when we have our own teenagers.

Listen to what your youths have to say. communicate with them. We can change the world one young person at a time. I believe that and I am trying my best to do my part, are you?

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Motherhood

2008-05-13T14:00:00.006-04:00

Being a mother is a great responsibility. Many times a woman does not understsand the full potential of being a mother. Working with children have taught me the value of a mother. I found that children yearn for their mothers love. No matter how "bad" the mother might be, abusive, on drugs, neglectful no matter, a child wants that contact with his/her mother no matter what....

It upsets me greatly when a mother rejects her child, especially because of a man who she is a current relationship with. Let me explain, I had a young lady once, who came to see me with behavioural problems but on closer probing we were able to decipher what was the real cause of the problem. She is from the first batch of children and had a different father to the second batch. The father of the second batch of children has all the influence on the mother. His children are the best in the world and the others from the first marriage are nothing. The mother rejects the first set of children because of the influence of the stepfather. How can that be right? How is the child to feel? How can a mother cause so much trauma to the child she gave birth to?

Unfortunately this kind of thing happens on a daily basis. Many times mothers, mothers to be, women in general do not understand the importance of being a mother. They do not understand the impact they have on their children. Parents, especially mothers are instumental in providing the child with their first knowledge of love. A child comes into the world as a blank slate, a tabula raza as it is called by some psychologist, therefore the environment, the parents especially the mother impacts upon that slate, that is the child, and lays the foundation for which their lives are build. So if a child is rejected from the mother and does not know what is love, then are we surprised that youths are in a mess today?

So much damage is done to a child who is rejected by their mother. The child is confused and lost. There is no way they can comprehend love, give love or have respect for love. Motherhood is a serious job, I hope all the women out there realise what an important role they have in being a mother.....

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Multi Tasking

2008-05-13T12:18:00.008-04:00

Its interesting how one person can be good at many different things. We each have our own set of talents and its up to us to use it wisely. This thought came to me because at work I am asked to do many different things. At one of my jobs we joke about me being the IT technician because I am forever fixing someone's PC. I also do brochures really well so for the past 4 weeks I am being assigned a brochure a week to do!!! How can I refuse when its good to just do something different, something I like and something I'm good at.....I also do staff training, life skills and more times that not I get a child whose giving some sort of trouble dropped on my lap. How can I say no......

Besides being the IT technician, counsellor and brochure maker I'm thinking what else can i do really well. At home i love to cook, but I don't find the time. Cooking takes preparation and preparation means time. So the question I ask myself is how to I incorporate it all!!!!

While I'm still trying to figure that out I have to point out I noticed that women are born multi-taskers. Women usually do many different things in one given day, a woman is a mother, economist, wife, worker, driver, daughter, cook, cleaner, etc. What is really hilarious is trying to see a man multitask. It is really a funny sight because the poor man do not know where to start!!!! Women often get irritated when men can't multitask like themselves. I myself find myself in that trap many times. I get impatient with a male in my life because he's not doing all the different things I am, but every now and then I have to remember I was born to do many things in one day, but the male species was not. I have to remember to be patient and loving while hes doing one thing and I'm doing a million. I also have to remember that my talents are different to other person's and I should not laugh or turn my nose up when other people's stuff does not look as "good" as mine. In one given day there are many reminders of the way we should act and treat people, especially those who do not have our same talents and cannot multitask in the same ways we do.

Life is truly funny and its even spicier when we can do many different things and understand that each person's set of talents are different and unique and needed to make the world go around.....

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Helping Profession Time Out

2008-05-13T11:44:00.002-04:00

Working in the helping profession can prove to be really tiring sometimes and if we helpers don't take a time out we will end up burnt out!!!!

This is my first week working full time in my profession. So ideally this is the first time I am seeing many different clients with many different problems in one day. I usually just see children which is my preferred population. But this week I had everything, families, trauma, abuse, u name it, I had it!! The problem is that after a full week of clients I didn't take the time to just relax and watch a movie or do something I like. I moved from work to home, to chores, to everything. Sometimes we don't realise that we give of ourselves so much and we helpers need to take some back to rest, to relax to take a time out however small that time out is.

My problem this week was not only alot of different clients and problems. My schedule has changed different hours of sleeping and getting up. I also had to interact with my own loved ones and give them the time they needed. I know what my problem was, I did not manage my time adequately and I didn't take the time to block out one hour out of my schedule to just relax and spend some me time. This is something I used to do quite often on a daily basis, before my schedule got crazy!!!

This "stressed" feeling, I think was a good reminder to me and to others in the helping profession that it is very important to take a time out. The strains, stresses and problems of others sometimes affect us emotionally and we often don't even know it!!! That is why it is important to take the time to destress and just get in touch with what is going on inside, because often it's only then we realise that something, one thing out of the week stayed with us in an unatural way. Its important to take some ME time every now and then because I surely can't help people when I am feeling stressed out and emotionally out of sorts....It is important to just know whats going on inside to adquately help the persons around us.....

So thats the lesson I learnt in my first week working full time in the helping profession....

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Mind and thanks....

2008-04-21T14:36:00.002-04:00

Today I am lucky to come to many realizations. One of them comes from this book I am reading about the power of the subconscious mind.Human Beings are marvelous creatures and the mind is even greater than we perceive. Imagine if we really channeled our energies into peacful thoughts instead of gossip, negative thoughts and other daily things that weigh us down. The power of thought is great, it decides what will come our way or not. Today I have many things to be thankful for especially in terms of my career. Most of my success comes from being positive about doing the things i love. This success of mine is but a small part of the greater success to come but I have to stop and thank God for the successes of today. To me today is a big day with big events happening. To the ordinary person today is just a normal day that will pass by but have you stopped to look at the clouds in the sky? to be thankful that you have a meal today? Are you thankful for the things that you do have? instead of looking at what you dont have.... I am and my journey is trying to remember these things everyday, even on those days when life gets tough. Today I am thankful.

Jenna Samaroo
http://jennasamaroo.blogspot.com/

Life

2007-05-10T16:59:00.000-04:00

sometimes it's amazing how life turns out how one never knows what to expect out of life. one of things that has impacted on me since i have been in Barados is how much i have grown as a person. i think that sometimes people see you very differently to how you perceive yourself. sometimes it is important to listen to what people have to say to you about you, because sometimes your peception about yourself is not ideally what other persons see. i'm not talking about gossip and the like, i'm speaking about when people compliment you, their thoughts about you, how you spend your day, their interaction with you, those things that speaks to who you are in daily life. in the last two months my classmates, my hall mates and i guess my friends that i have made on this journey in my life have pointed out things that i never realised would identify me as me yet when they point out things, i think to myself that is me!!!to me life consists of many journeys but this particular one brought me to a place of self discovery which is one thing that i value the most because it can help me to make firm, confident decisions in my life. it has truely been a learning experience in more ways than just studying and the beaches. i chose to write about this because i got some inspiration today from a good friend.........just something to think about.....