The Chair Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Wednesday, January 25, 2012 at 9:44 PM, in Labels: Jenna Samaroo, mental health, psychology

As a psychologist many times we forget what sitting in that “dreaded” chair feels like. There are some of us who never sat in the chair at all!! In my case, I had to experience this when I was studying for my masters. Though therapy was mandatory, I used the opportunity for my self development and growth and looked at my issues. I really tried to face them. I did my best to be honest about my emotional skeletons.

Recently I had the opportunity of being a client again. YES, YES i sat in the "dreaded" chair!!! It wasn’t fun!!! I know exactly how it feels sitting in front a therapist because here I was sitting in front of a stranger telling them the intimate details of my life. Then all of a sudden I was scared and uncomfortable...I wanted to look good for the therapist... I felt afraid to tell the person my business... I wanted to get far away from the room... I wanted to tell them my issues because I was seeking help... I was talking a lot and all over... I felt confused and talking confused... hard questions were being asked... I had to be truthful... the questions made me think... I don't want to think... I knew the answers but I needed to hear them from someone else... I wanted coping skills but yet I thought I was coping well... but I wasn't. Then I was crying and felt sad then I felt happy and somewhere in there angry. Sounds familiar?

At the end of it though I felt comfortable and settled and I was able to open up and be honest because I wanted the assistance for my self development. The session went wonderfully well and I felt good at the end of it. I had some home work and things to think long and hard about, but it was good.

Sitting in that chair reminded me of my clients and how hard it can be sometimes to start trusting and talking to a stranger about intimate details of their lives. Trusting that I will be able to help them cope and figure what to do, what is the next step, what they have to work on, their fears, weaknesses and more. Looking at ourselves sometimes is the hardest thing to do because we have to admit and face that we have fears and weaknesses. We are our own harshest critic. When you realise your weaknesses, you can work on them. Somehow people are afraid of this process because they are comfortable with how they are handling their weaknesses even though it might be very unhealthy. Humans we are creatures of habit even though change is inevitable.

In the daily life of being a mental health professional it is necessary to sit in that “dreaded” chair if you really want to be emotionally stable and mentally healthy to deal with clients. Personally, I think it is really important for us mental health professionals to be in a mentally healthy place before assisting our clients. If we are a mess how can we EVER help clients?

The journey to self discovery is ongoing and never over. Sometimes a case might hit on issues we have bottled up within ourselves. Therefore it is always good to go back to that “dreaded” chair and be the client. Not only to remind us of how a client feels, but to also remind us that we too need to talk and sort out our issues no matter how small.

Don’t think this is just limited to mental health professionals. If the shoe fits you wear it! Are you giving advice to others clients, team members etc. and then not taking that advice? Worse yet are u getting frustrated with others and forgetting what it is like to be in that “dreaded” chair?

Self development and discovery...this is my journey now and I am very happy to be doing it so that when I sit in front of my clients they are getting the best of me and what I have to offer in the mental health profession....So I encourage my colleagues to take a seat in the chair and be reminded of what the clients feel in our sessions....and for the clients out there some of us understand how scary going into therapy can be but we also understand how tremendously beneficial it can be...

www.jennasamaroo.com

2012 Here it is... Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Sunday, January 8, 2012 at 6:15 PM, in Labels: mental health, psychology

I have spent some time reflecting on the last year of my professional life and I really marvel at how much it has changed. Professionally I am in the process of building my name, my practice, my profession. One of the greatest things I have learnt in the last year though is patience.

Being a mental health professional means that I should be able to practice what I preach...but that is the one thing that is the hardest to do! Patience...patience to know that some of the ventures I am involved in is in the stage of evolution therefore things do not happen as fast as we want them to...Patience to know that the supreme being has a plan that we do not always see or understand...Patience to believe that the best is yet to come...Patience to know and believe when it comes there will be great rewards....My lesson for last year and in this year to come is and will continue to be patience.

Another big aspect that I struggled with in the last year is finding balance. Sometimes as mental health professionals we give of ourselves so much that we forget to take the time to take care of ourselves. This is certainly something I struggle with and have been taking the time to ensure that I am mentally healthy. For me being mentally healthy is also taking the journey to find and understand myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and letting others help me when I am struggling.

Over the years of studying and practicing psychology, I have always tried to use what I learn on me first. I have always tried to find balance. It still is a difficult process because facing my weaknesses is one of the hardest things to do, because I have to admit that I need help when I want to just help everyone.

I took a different perspective at writing this blog because sometimes psychologist forget to let others know that we are human and go through the same process like everyone else and we too have to admit when we need assistance, sometimes our inability to ask for help causes us more distress and makes us even more unhealthy than others. I certainly have areas of my life that I need to work on so my famous line "I'm no guru" is even more interestingly true. The only difference is that on a daily basis I try to handle all my problems, obstacles, challenges etc. in a healthy balanced way. Cheers to 2012, and for me the lesson is Patience! What is your lesson for 2012?

www.jennasamaroo.com

Disabled Children Playing Pan Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Friday, December 2, 2011 at 10:59 AM, in Labels: disabled children, Jenna Samaroo, pan

I visited Goodwill Industries this week because I was asked to do a talk to the parents and teachers about the importance and benefits of counselling for disabled children.

For those of you who do not know Goodwill Industries is a school for physically and mentally challenged young people located in Woodbrook. The school teaches them trade and practical skills to make them marketable to take care of themselves, find a job and cope with the challenges of their lives. Mrs. Barbara Olumide-Alleyne is the CEO and she has been doing wonderful work with these special young people.

I had the pleasure of listening to them play pan. Below is a clip of their talent. I felt so proud seeing them play since they appeared to really enjoy playing the pan. Also I can't play pan to save my life and here are these gifted and talented young people keeping rhythm better than me!

So please enjoy my little video!

www.jennasamaroo.com

Communication Self Assessment Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Sunday, April 3, 2011 at 1:21 PM, in Labels: communication, Jenna Samaroo, psychology, self assessment

How well do you communicate with other? Do you think you are doing your best at communicating?

Take this self assessment and see how well you communicate.

Communication Skills Self-Assessment Exercise

In each of the following, read items A, B, and C, then mark the one that best describes your communication style. (24 total)

1. ___ A. When conversing with others, I usually do most of the talking.

___ B. When conversing with others, I usually let the other person do most of the talking.

___ C. When conversing with others, I try to equalize my participation in the conversation.

2. ___ A. When I first meet someone, I wait for the other person to make the introduction first.

___ B. When I first meet someone, I introduce myself with a smile and offer a handshake.

___ C. When I first meet someone, I hug the person.

3. ___ A. I usually "warm-up" new conversations with small talk.

___ B. I usually avoid small talk and jump into more important matters.

___ C. I usually avoid starting conversations.

4. ___ A. I make an effort to remember and use peoples' names.

___ B. I don't pay attention to names as I tend to forget them.

___ C. I only learn the names of important people.

5. ___ A. I frequently use courtesy words and phrases - "Please," "Thank you," "You're welcome," "I'm sorry."

___ B. I occasionally use these courtesy words and phrases.

___ C. I never use these courtesy words and phrases.

6. ___ A. I tend to be serious and don't smile often while conversing.

___ B. I smile all the time while conversing.

___ C. I smile at appropriate times while conversing.

7. ___ A. I make eye contact while conversing.

___ B. I sometimes make eye contact while conversing.

___ C. I never make eye contact while conversing.

8. ___ A. While conversing, I hold my head still at all times.

___ B. While conversing, I nod my head at appropriate times.

___ C. While conversing, I nod my head constantly.

9. ___ A. While conversing, I stand one-foot away from the person.

___ B. While conversing, I stand two- to three-feet away from the person.

___ C. While conversing, I stand five- to six-feet away from the person.

10. ___ A. I often stand while talking to a person who is sitting.

___ B. I often sit while talking to a person who is sitting.

___ C. I often lean down while talking to a person who is sitting.

11. ___ A. To end a conversation, I often just leave.

___ B. To end a conversation, I begin to look impatient hoping the person

will get the hint.

___ C. To end a conversation, I wrap up with a closing statement.

12. ___ A. If a co-worker has put on weight, I say nothing about it.

___ B. If a co-worker has put on weight, I tell the person that he or she has

changed in appearance.

___ C. If a co-worker has put on weight, I honestly tell the person that he

or she looks fat.

13. ___ A. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often cross my arms over my chest.

___ B. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean back and turn my body

away from the speaker.

___ C. When I'm listening to the speaker, I often lean slightly forward and face

my body toward the speaker.

14. ___ A. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg facing the speaker.

___ B. When I cross my leg, I cross my leg away from the speaker.

___ C. When I cross my leg, I bob my foot.

15. ___ A. While listening, I tend to be distracted by things going on around me.

___ B. While listening, I listen for meaning and ask questions.

___ C. While listening, I watch the person speak, but I don't "hear" a word.

16. ___ A. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I don't comment about it.

___ B. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to change the subject.

___ C. When someone talks about an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to relate to the person's feelings and show sensitivity to his or her misfortune.

17. ___ A. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on positive (good) aspects.

___ B. When I discuss a topic, I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad) aspects.

___ C. When I discuss a topic, I tend to complain.

18. ___ A. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I just say it.

___ B. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I lead in with a positive comment first.

___ C. When I have a negative opinion or comment, I say nothing.

19. ___ A. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I note where I need to improve.

___ B. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I get angry and defensive.

___ C. When I receive unfavorable feedback, I deny the problem, make excuses, or plead ignorance.

20. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on the person's observable work or behavior and offer suggestions.

___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I focus on what I don't like about the person.

___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I simply tell the person what to do right.

21. ___ A. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it around others so everyone can hear.

___ B. When I give a person negative feedback, I do it in front of the supervisor.

___ C. When I give a person negative feedback, I talk with the person alone in a private place.

22. ___ A. When I disagree with a person, I listen first, ask questions for clarification then disagree non-judgmentally.

___ B. When I disagree with a person, I quickly point out the person is wrong and why.

___ C. When I disagree with a person, I say little or nothing.

23. ___ A. When I'm in a group, I tend to frown a lot.

___ B. When I'm in a group, I tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times.

___ C. When I'm in a group I tend to be serious.

24. ___ A. I'm a "hands-on" person. I tend to: prefer hands-on experiences and activities; focus on tasks to be done; refrain from discussions; think in a logical and organized way; do things in an orderly way; have difficulty adjusting to change.

___ B. I'm a "thinker." I tend to: enjoy listening to a logical presentation of ideas; enjoy analyzing problems and finding systematic ways try to solve problems; enjoy creating models based on theory and information; like structure and organization; act slowly in making decisions; show more interest in ideas than people.

___ C. I'm an "explorer." I tend to: try things by trial and error; explore practical uses for ideas and theories; make decisions that provide quick solutions; decide quickly; take risks; enjoy change; rely more on people for information.

___ D. I'm a "free thinker." I tend to: base views and opinions on feelings; enjoy tossing around ideas (brainstorming); approach and view problems and experience; from different perspectives; rely on intuition, not logic, for making decisions; dislike structure.

www.jennasamaroo.com

Healing the Fatherhood Wounds Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Thursday, February 3, 2011 at 9:11 AM, in Labels: father, fatherhood, Jenna Samaroo, parenting, psychology

I had the pleasure over the course of the last weekend to attend the Healing the Fatherhood Wounds Workshop for women at the John Paul II Centre on Fatherhood. The workshop took place for the entire weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening.

The weekend started with the powerful movie "Akeelah and the Bee". It was my first time watching this movie in its entirety. The movie had a number of valuable life lessons about the dynamics of the father and daughter relationship.

The second day was where the real work started. There were many fruitful sessions where some real groundbreaking epiphanies were made with all of the women present including myself. I would like to share some if the tid bits that stuck out for me.

I always knew that the father had a great impact on a daughter's life but this impact was made even more apparent by the material covered. The father is literally a daughter's first love. She is taught about the good and the bad in the male figure from her father. During the years 0-9 the father teaches his daughter how to interact and be loved by a man. A father during this vital stage teaches a daughter what she will want and will not want in a man in her life in the future.

There are also a number of attributes that fathers are responsible for teaching women that are considered "adult life skills". These include; to manage, contain, the value of boundaries, to defend, to protect, to compete, to hold onto, to provide, to conquer and to exclude.

During the weekend I also was able to learn some of my father's healthy and unhealthy characteristics and how these are present in the men in my life. The material was profound because as women we often chose men that are just like our fathers. This action is very unconscious and we tend not to even notice sometimes the similarity.

I also learnt the vital building blocks of self-esteem that only a parent can pass to a child. These building blocks are;

• Identity - who am I? - This is usually done by the same sex parent. Therefore women would form their identity from their Mother's.
• Individuality - What do I love? What do I hate? - This is usually instilled by the opposite sex parent so in this case a Father would be the one instilling Individuality in a daughter.
• Intimacy - In-to-me-u-see - This is taught by both parents through their relationship with each other.

Another point of interest that stood out for me is the question "why do women tell their stories?" and when I mean tell their stories I mean talk all the time! Answer: Women talk to HEAL.

• H - Heal tell stories to heal.
• E - Encourage, especially others.
• A - Awareness, of the answers.
• L - Legacy - stories tell our legacy and leaves legacies behind.

So this really explained why we women always chattering!

The last point I would like to share are some unhealthy father/daughter relationship styles that were pointed out to us.

1. Less than father - father abandons daughter and leaves her yearning.
2. Abusive father - father is verbally, emotionally or sexually abusive.
3. Pampering father - this father spoils the daughter.
4. Pygmalion father - the daughter becomes the father's companion.
5. Ruined father - the daughter has to rescue the father.

These were some of the main points of the wonderful weekend dealing with some of my fatherhood issues. I learnt a great deal about how my father has impacted my life both positively and negatively. I encourage everyone to do something like this because it really helps us understand who we are, where we came from and how our primary caregivers, our parents has impacted upon our lives...

www.jennasamaroo.com

Do You Have High Self-Esteem Or Low Self-Esteem? Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Wednesday, November 17, 2010 at 2:21 PM, in Labels: Jenna Samaroo, psychology, self-esteem

Over the course of the last week or so I came across this list that actually describes behaviour that indicates high and low self-esteem. Take a look and see where you might fall.

People with High Self-Esteem

1. Take responsibility for their action own feelings and behaviour; avoid blaming and excuses.

2. Take compliments graciously.

3. Listen to criticisms without anger or defensiveness.

4. Give praise and compliments frequently.

5. Take good care of selves physically; avoid self destructive behaviour.

6. Accept those things that can’t be changed; age, body type, height, etc.

7. Make decisions internally from own set of values.

8. Take emotional risks; are willing to fail or look foolish.

9. Assume they are likable and pleasant to be around.

10. Have a good sense of humor; delight in irony and humor that doesn’t make fun of people or their pain.

11. Are happy about the accomplishments of others; give encouragement and confidence to others.

12. Reach out to others and make contacts.

13. Accept mistakes as part of living; try again or try something new.

14. Listen openly to the feelings, thoughts and ideas of others.

15. Accept and give sexual and sexual pleasure.

16. Are attractive to and nourished by cooperative positive people.

17. Focus on the here and now and concentrate on those things that can be controlled

People with Low Self-Esteem

1. Blame others; attribute their emotions to others.

2. Deny compliments, act suspicious of them, feel manipulated by them.

3. Criticize and pass judgment.

4. Withhold appreciation and compliments.

5. Allow self-destructive behaviour to continue.

6. Complain and apologize about things that can’t be changed.

7. Mold to external pressures; needs constant assurance.

8. Needs situations to be safe and predictable; want to always look good and be right.

9. Assume they are liked and imagine that others secretly criticize them.

10. Are amused by humor that makes others look ridiculous.

11. Look for failure in others; call attention to others failures; predict gloom.

12. Wait for others to approach; blame others for being unfriendly.

13. Expect or demand perfection in self and others.

14. Argue. Preach, nag, and criticize.

15. Without pleasure from self and others.

16. Chose toxic, hurtful relationships.

17. Are disabled by guilt, remorse regret and worry.

www.jennasamaroo.com

Book Review - Common Sense Parenting Posted by Jenna Samaroo , Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 10:29 AM, in Labels: Jenna Samaroo, parenting, psychology, young people, youths

I have been reading a book called Common Sense Parenting by Ray Burk, Ron Herron and Bridget A. Barnes.

This book was brought to my attention because it was written by authors affiliated with The Boys Town. The Boys Town is an organization dedicated to assist "at-risk" youths. They had a workshop in Trinidad and Tobago recently and even though I was not able to attend, the information was passed on by wonderful colleagues.

Common Sense Parenting is a fabulous book. It has many very important pointers for parents, especially in these times where parenting has taken on a whole different dimension. I am amazed because exactly what I suggest to parents about managing their children is exactly what is written in this book. There are step by step instructions on how to parent. I feel maybe I could have written this book!

I would like to share some pointers from the book in my blog. I am also still in the process of reading the book therefore as I read I will post pointers that I feel are important to share. Previously, I have written about the importance of parenting, understanding our young people, supporting them and so on. I am also making notes and blogs in small doses since the information is much to digest all at one time. I have been taking my time to read this book.

These first set of notes are about the appropriate teaching methods to teach children. The steps we should take to help them and teach them the valuable lessons they need to learn about themselves, expectations we have of them and generally life.

Appropriate Teaching

Specific

You let your children know exactly what they do right or wrong.

Responsive

You help your children understand the relationship between what they do and what happens as a result of their actions. So there is a reaction for ever action.

Concrete

You give your children clear examples of how to improve in the future. Clear examples helps them because as parents we sometimes take it for granted our children "know" what we expect of them.

Positive

You help you children learn self-discipline (to be in control of their actions and expressions of emotion). In order to do this we ourselves must be self disciplined. Children learn best by example. Therefore if you are positive and self disciplined we can teach by example.

Interactive

You give your children a chance to show what they have learned. You are an active part of the learning process. You and your children work together toward a common goal.

Informative

You become the teacher, the coach. As you give information that helps your children learn to solve problems.

The next blog will focus on positive and negative consequences. Common Sense Parenting gives very specific positive and negative consequences that parents can use with their children. So I will highlight some of these consequences and give examples of some the ways positive and negative consequences can work with parenting your children.